20 Wackiest Courtroom Moments of 2004 on Courttv.com
In ruling that Pennsylvania’s drunk-driving laws can’t be enforced on people on horseback, the state Supreme Court had only one dissenting judge, Michael Eakin, who phrased his dissent in a poem inspired by the “Mister Ed” theme song:

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
but the Vehicle Code does not divorce
its application from, perforce,
a steed as my colleagues said.
‘It's not vague,' I'll say until I'm hoarse,
and whether a car, a truck or horse
this law applies with equal force,
and I'd reverse instead."

The Policeman's Blog: "Over the Festive period, you may run out of DVDs to watch, the kids may break all their toys and you may get so bored you might decide to ring the police. If you live in the Newtown area, Mrs. C has asked me to tell you NOT to ring the police at the following times:
Christmas Eve 2100hrs to 0000 hrs
Christmas Day 2100hrs to 0000 hrs
27th December 0000hrs to 0300 hrs

Your cooperation in this matter will help ensure that I get home at a sensible time throughout the Christmas period.
Naturally this applies to minor matters, for more serious matters I would ask you all NOT to murder each other or get involved in fatal road accidents until AT LEAST 3rd January 2005.

Thankyou and Merry Christmas
PC Dave Copperfield"

My allergies drive me insane. I may have harped on this theme before, so if you’ve heard it, skip to the laughter track. I am individually allergic to dairy products, hairy animals, sesame seeds, etc. Though I’m finally growing out of these, extended exposure does bring out the relevant eczema/asthma/anaphylactic shock.

So it’s very annoying to me that the place in my life I’m happiest, at home in the snowy Peak District, is also the place where my animals allergy is the worst, due to my genuinely belov’d cat, Pansy. (we didn’t name her that; after the incident where she punched her claw through the side of a corrugated plastic box, we’d have called her Psychat, or possibly Macavity.) After a couple of days in the house (which my parents clean and clean so that I don’t have any problems, bless them), I’m normally left dopey, wheezy, and perpetually hungry and horny; like the seven dwarves in one mongrel package (though I think Horny was only in this reworking …) Thankfully the only lasting result is a tendency to get repeated nosebleeds (from, I assume, my nose running so constantly.)

Anyway, apart from the strange sleep patterns and nosebleeds, home was fantastic. The snow stuck around for three days and we went walking all over the peaks; Dragon’s Back, The Manifold Valley, Dovedale and all the other fantastically named places. It also gave me a sorely needed opportunity to catch up with my family, specifically my little sister (who’s shot up in size) and who I gave some great Shaun Tan books to (specifically, The Red Tree, The Rabbits and The Lost Thing) suggested by the singular John Walker and my dad, who I’ve failed to talk to for weeks.

Anyway, just to round that off; to Our Friends in the North; sorry I missed you this year, I promise I’ll ring tomorrow (when the sky falls on our heads …), and I hope everything’s going okay way up there.

(Silent Grill restrains
breath to catch nascent tremors
of first tsunami jokes.)

PlayBot 2005: "
'No robot was permanently harmed or injured during the shooting of the calendar.'"

Why whites of eyes spell 'danger'

So that scared look on my face is perpetually infectious... that explains my sociopathic tendencies. Anyway, marry christians, one and all!

Insult Swordfighting @ The SCUMM Bar!

"People consider my fists lethal weapons."
"Sadly, your breath should be equally reckoned."

Earthsea in Clorox by Ursula K. Le Guin: "As an anthropologist's daughter I am intensely conscious of the risk of cultural or ethnic imperialism -- white writer speaking for nonwhite people, co-opting their voice, an act of extreme arrogance.... Ged isn't a petulant white kid.

It's like casting Eminem as Jim in Huckleberry Finn."

The amazingly-still-alive Ursula Le Guin comments on the celluloid massacre of her books. Grill's reading list assignment; The Dispossessed, again showing off Le Guin's deliberate colour-blindness and liberal internationalism.

Guardian Unlimited | Life | Atomic tomatoes are not the only fruit: "The Chinese news agency Xinhua stated that, 'in China the radiation effect is always positive, leading to bigger and better vegetables that will revolutionise agriculture.'"

Right, I'm flying to China so I can be exposed to radiation and become SuperGrill, able to sear food and remove fat in seconds. I'm afeared of my Nemesis George Foreman, but I'm hoping my sidekick Muhammed 'Chemical' Ali will be able to spike his hotplate...

Lucian of Samosata (A.D. c.120-180): "Amongst them, when a man grows old he does not die, but dissolves into smoke and turns to air [a convenient ploy for disposing of dead aliens also used in more recent science fiction, such as 'The Man Trap' and 'Catspaw' episodes of the original Star Trek series]. They all eat the same food, which is frogs roasted on the ashes from a large fire; of these they have plenty which fly about in the air, they get together over the coals, snuff up the scent of them, and this serves for their victuals. Their drink is air squeezed into a cup, which produces a kind of dew."

The first Sci-Fi perhaps? Lucian of Samosata wrote speculative fiction about the inhabitants of the moon about a hundred years after the other great raconteur...