Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Turning Point

The Turning Point

There's a choice I need to make in my life. I've always had a tendency to shoot my mouth off accidentally – I've shouted "Cunt" at co-workers across the office on numerous occasions, . Today I managed to insult two different people by not being senstitive to their particular needs and telling things like they were, eliciting laughter from everyone but also embarrassment and anger from the concerned party. The first one was a simple statement of the person's qualities, the second concerned Suzy, a lovely lass with an odd family who tend to get into unfortunate scrapes. She blared across the office, ostensibly talking to the person next to her, "balls, my sister's car got burnt out last night", then when we all burst out laughing she asked "how come you guys listen in to everything I say." My response "Could it be because you speak ten decibels louder than anyone else", got another laugh but made her very upset, so I apologised, and now feel terribly down and guilty.

My choice is this: I can continue caring, apologising and getting depressed every time I offend someone, or I can just become a self-righteous bastard, properly once and for all. My predilection for saying arsehole comments indicates to me that my life would be easier if I did the latter, and I'd end up hanging around people who could take my comments; my problem is that the latter group may end up being rather small and I'd  basically be a sociopathic character. I know people who've taken that route and they're self-confident, brash but mostly funny people because they're equally disparaging/damaging to everyone; I just don't know if I could pull it off. Perhaps the decision will be made for me.

Anyway, introspection aside (to some extent) I'm going to three festivals this summer! ATP, Bestival and The Green Man. Anyone else going?

6 comments:

Iain said...

I don't think that it's right that you should go through life being scared of offending people.

Not that you should go out of your way to deliberately insult or offend people, but I think it's a fundamental freedom of speech to be able to say what you think, even if some people won't like it.

Think of it as intellectual collateral damage. A price worth paying for being able to say what you think.

We already live in a world where there are riots (and deaths) because some people are so thin-skinned and humourless that they can't see the satire in a fucking *cartoon*.

I'd much rather have a small circle of friends who can accept me truly for what I am and what I say, rather than a large circle of friends where I'd be constantly on edge, watching what I say, because I might accidentally offend someone.

Granted, I am probably a borderline Sociopath, but when you look at the state of society these days, isn't everyone?

As I keep telling my girlfriend, you can't please all the people all of the time, so why even bother? Because if you try, the inevitable failure will only make you more miserable. And what's the use of that?

Craig Gilmore said...

I've been thinking about this a fair bit too. I'm not sure if I'm happy with the person I've become. I only really have a small clique of friend, those at and those outside of college.

It's the ones outside of college who have influenced me the most and turned me into a bit of a snarky bastard. I can see how much they've changed me in the people at college because I feel I'm influencing them.

I'm very outspoken but I have a stupid sense of humour too. I'm polluting people and while I agree with the above comment, I'm not sure if I should do something to change myself.

Chiarina said...

Well, you've never offended me! I can be as rude as I like 'cause I'm a girl and so I am less likely to get punched in the face when I am rude to people. Mind you, I only relish being rude to those who deserve it.

The Pettitt said...

Mate, mate, mate. *sigh* The very idea of making a conscious effort effort to change your personality in your mid twenties is bonkers. You're hard wired now. You could pretend to be someone else, but ultimately you'd waste a lot of precious, non-refundable time maintaining a veneer of gormless affability.

In my experience, folk know I'm not bullying them personally and that what I do, I do to everyone. Sometimes even myself. Thinking back though, I always got away with it better than you, or didn't care that I didn't.

You're a good bloke. You wouldn't be wrestling with this if you weren't. So, on the plus side, that's hard wired too.

Return-Path said...

ATP

Who's going to ATP?

Grill said...

Jeez! Lots of responses!

Iain: good response, the tendency to sociopathy is noted. And, yes, there's more pleasure in being John Goodman's character in The Big Lebowski than Donny's, if that's really the choice.

Carpetrash (is that Craig?) If you're not happy with who you are and you feel you can change it, you probably can. Otherwise, do what Iain does and glory in your bastardliness.

Chiarina: I'm sure I have - if not, I must try harder. :)

Jim: Nice to hear from you! Ta for the comments - I understand the hard-wired stuff, but my point was that I'm at the stage where I could go either way - my personality is still changing a little, and the two ways I behave to people (nice 'n nasty) seem optional paths I can emphasise. If I'm the type of person who believes he can change his personality, especially it's focussing on existing characteristics, perhaps I can. Worth a try, anyway, just to make my life a little more interesting for a little bit. :)

Toby: I am! And people from Bath! (Hello Bath people!) But I think it's sold out now - perhaps there's a space place for you?