Mort Gauge

I’m getting so fucked off with this mortgage thing. The mortgage broker feller, who sounds increasingly sullen every time he rings me, has just told me for the second time that I don’t exist. Apparently, Abbey National, who I’ve been with for 14 years, can’t find any record of my existence at my previous addresses. I told them to check with HSBC. I know I’ve only been with them for 12 years or so, but I’ve kept them more up to date with my movements. Again I get a call saying I’m a non-entity, according to the Abbey Mortgage people. If this continues I will walk around to their office and, with my steel-toecapped boots, show them just how real my existence is by impinging on the physical reality of their testicles. Grr.

Abbey people, or prissy stalkers, if you’re reading; please, this is just frustration I’m sharing with my friends. I’m not about to hurt anyone, unless they really deserve it.