Strange it is, hmmm. Tonight for the first time in months with the aid of friends I overcame my fear of clubs, those dens of sedition, and went dancing. And in dancing I seem to have been invited to apply for a job I have a good chance of getting, if I swot up on my games and subbing over the next couple of weeks. It terrifies me, but I have to apply. Though another friend is trying to arrange for me to get a job on his mag (implicitly) I feel if I reject this job, I won't get any other. Yet it commits me to staying in production, something of a poisoned chalice that. Yet it's a games mag. Perhaps I should just wait and see, but waiting gets you nowhere, and in rejecting this the portcullis falls to all other routes with same mag. Freakin hate the word but proactive I must be. Inner tedium seeps out like water under door.

Also have been leaked secret that cannot be spread, yet relevant and pertinent to my situation. Demand internal is to use to my advantage, result internal (once qualms/morals added in) is secrecy.

Welcome to petty politics. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.