Rant #124.23

I hit twenty-six last week and, suddenly, I feel old. Really, old, depressed and tired. “My skin’s losing its texture, I’m putting on weight”; the complaints are real, but the motivation behind them is a maudlin introspection. All the usual complaints of middle age stem from a fear of death, or at least a fear of not having achieved all that you could.

And I feel old, because of the young people in my industry. At least I should, as I met one just now who was only seventeen, but actually most of them are my age or older; I’m the bottom tier, and they’re all ageing with me. There’s something horrid about some of them as well, who see this career as a passport to better things, to fame and immortality; you know my thoughts on that (for those who don’t, avoid la peur.) I feel ambition to be filthy, especially ambition by the credulous, leery and stupid. I don’t mind justified ambition, the few people I meet (like the sparkling Leo Tan) who are ambitious and talented I respect and wish the best to. It's the mediocrities hauling themselves up by ambition in the absence of the talented that really get on my nerves.

Anyway, I could claim fame and fortune. I could self-promote. This week I've organised three (maybe more, we'll see) world-exclusive reviews of games that are going to make tens of millions of dollars for a console that's not even out yet. There's a bit of self-promotion. I couldn't care less though; I just want to get the job done, make a good magazine, write some bad puns and get back to my books and MMOs. (And, possibly, socialise a little). Is that too much to ask?

Oh, yes, I'll be playing City of Villains as either The Man-Bat or The Ludocrat, if anyone's interested.

Coolest Headshots

Coolest Headshots


NNDB is a big crock of nowt, but it has some of the best lists around.

Pretension

I post up my short fiction on this blog here. It's been a long time since I wrote any, so I've bunged a piece up this morning. Perhaps I should migrate to Wordpress and take all these feeds and make a proper website...?

A Dead Parrot? (First Post)

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. Nothing to do with Avian Flu.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting! Anyway, he died in quarantine, so it doesn't count as dying in England. No flu here, nooo sir.

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show... How about some nice cold cure? Lemsip? Chicken soup?!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining! Moreover, his death from Avian Flu doesn't invalidate the UK's pet shop license, because he died in Quarantine, which is a video game version of Taxi Driver.

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(A parrot died of Avian Flu in UK quarantine.)

The Shinning

Philip K Dick's The Man in the High Castle was the first of a genre, and still one of the most unassuming and best; the conditional history book, the speculative historical fiction. Dick's question was "what if the Germans and Japanese had won the war?" and he played it out with the Japanese and Germans coming to the edge of war over the perceived evil of the Germans, much like happened really after the war. Meanwhile in a high castle a man writes a book about "what if the americans had won the war?"

Other questions that spring to mind: What if Napoleon had won? What if Edison had been honest? What if The Shining had been a rom-com? Oh, there's an answer to that last one, and what a work of genius it is.

Heap of Trouble

Lawks. Fantastic short films from Zed include the indescribable glory of this "Heap of Trouble".

1st Ave Machine>View Media

(From Rossignol).

Lumme, that's amazing. Either someone's spent hours making thousands of remote controlled special effects, or bio-organic lifeforms are with us. I sincerely hope it's the latter.

Can we hurry up and live in the future now? Dammit, I want scientists meddling with our genetic code, I want implants and cyborg elements, I want plants with fricking thumbs.

Voigt-Kampf Industries MODEL VK2016v1.5

Voigt-Kampf Industries MODEL VK2016v1.5

Neat-o. (Not Netto). A working Voight-Kampff tester. Well, working in that it makes the motions, shows your eye on the screen, the bellow work and so on. It still can't tell the difference between replicants and humans as there are no humans. I mean, replicants. Course I mean replicants, ho and indeed ho.

Societies worse off 'when they have God on their side' - Britain - Times Online

Societies worse off 'when they have God on their side' - Britain - Times Online: "The paper, published in the Journal of Religion and Society, a US academic journal, reports: “Many Americans agree that their churchgoing nation is an exceptional, God-blessed, shining city on the hill that stands as an impressive example for an increasingly sceptical world.

“In general, higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy and abortion in the prosperous democracies.

“The United States is almost always the most dysfunctional of the developing democracies, sometimes spectacularly so....

“The non-religious, proevolution democracies contradict the dictum that a society cannot enjoy good conditions unless most citizens ardently believe in a moral creator.

“The widely held fear that a Godless citizenry must experience societal disaster is therefore refuted.””"

X-Prize man launches rocket race

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | X-Prize man launches rocket race: "Peter Diamandis, the man behind the $10m X-Prize for suborbital space travel, has brought forward his new initiative: the Rocket Racing League.

The RRL will see Grand Prix-style races between rocket planes, flown by top pilots through a '3D trackway' just 5,000ft (1,500m) above the ground."

Fantastic. I hope all the pilots are convicts flying for their chance at freedom. As long as some blond mormon kid doesn't get a surprise win and become Darth Vader, I'm all for this.