How to Predict the Weather Using a Pig Spleen

Essential knowledge, yup.

We buried my gran today. I've got an image stuck in my head of the ground peeled back sardine-can style, all fake turf and stuff just rolled out of the way, and her coffin sat at the bottom like an under-resolution cigar. There's a green field about her stock-full of tombstones (a nice selection of canadians blown up by a nearby ammo-dump), and a white marble church set against trees and a blue sky. Very traditional. She's in there, beneath the ground, and all I want is to say goodbye to her, but it grabs my tonsils with all these strangers about.

It was a really strange day; I think I loved my gran, but I don't think I knew her in any way. I've mentioned before she couldn't understand a word I said; but it seems that to everyone else she never stopped nattering; I had people coming up to me all afternoon, saying 'she was a great gossip, she told us all about you' and so on. Made me feel even more like a sociopath than usual. Especially on top of my totally atonal arhythmic singing which I got needled about. At my gran's funeral. Good timing, chuck.

Anyway, it turns out from the sermon that she was a general hero, and a good Christian and everybody loved her. Woo.

WPXI.com - News - Police: Man Performed Botched At-Home Castration on Transgender Woman
Don't ask me where I get this crap from. Please.

Disney Animates Dalí's Flick

"I'll only have sex with you if I was drugged." says cheating wife. dumb husband tests it out...

Elvis impersonator held in machete murder

Cat parasite transforming human brains
Asian Age | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Britain's estimated nine million domestic cats are being blamed by scientists for infecting up to half the population with a parasite that can alter people’s personalities. The figures emerge from studies into toxoplasma gondii, a parasite carried by almost all the UK's feline population and maybe elsewhere in the world. They show that half of Britain's human population carry the parasite in their brains, and that infected people may undergo slow but crucial changes in their behaviour. Infected men, suggests one new study, tend to become more aggressive, scruffy, antisocial and are less attractive. Women, on the other hand, appear to exhibit the 'sex kitten' effect, becoming less trustworthy, more desirable, fun-loving and possibly more promiscuous."

Breaking News - Top StoryKaneel

I'm so angry about the Arsenal-United game. So very very angry

mung

list of modified cars that are rubish

Baldy or Phallus

Yahoo! News - FBI Probes Man Who Shipped Self to Dallas

the Angel Declaration - Read the Declaration
Signed this years ago, but it's amazingly still up - hardly pressure on the government, but a nice thing to put your name to.

I've just heard Bill Cosby? singing Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band. This song must be heard to be believed. I certainly don't believe it. It's up there with Leornard Nimoy and the ballad of Bilbo Baggins.

I'm sure the song will find its way onto KaZaa or eMule sooner or later... Meantimes, check the link for a list of every Beatle's novelty song ever. Don't say I don't treat you right.

(Right in that sense meaning 'appropriately to your station in life' ;)

Tristram Shandy Online
Every last person should read at least the first two books of Tristram Shandy; it takes great moral fibre to actually force yourself through it, but it's worth every inch of force.

In quick summary it's an 'outrageous' tour de force written by Tristram about his life. He isn't born until halfway through the third book (and these are proper big books, not themodern crap that the olde folke would've called 'chapters.' His chapters are about the length of modern author's books...) He spends a lot of his time lamenting the fact that he's not going to get very in this autobiography, as it's taken him four years to write the first day of his life. Just read the beginning if you're feeling lazy ;)

::state::
A link from flatmate Kieron's blog that brings home the maturity of video-gaming. Honest!

Found in an email forward, great for declamation.

"This wight ventripotent was dining
Once at the Grocers' Hall, and lining
With calipee and calipash
That tomb omnivorous -- his paunch."
Horace Smith; The Astronomical Alderman; 19th century.
(Calipee and calipash are parts of a turtle
beneath the lower and upper shields, respectively)

weebls stuff

Police quiz Blaine botherers
Deserverd evr'ythin' 'e got guv'nor

the_duel

Firecracker + Arse